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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 9, 2014 1:00am-1:31am PDT

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>> you know, what just occurred to me right now? you're watching me, watching you, watching me. mindfreak! >> way to commit to the bit, you two. >> sadly, none of them were laughing or black. not good. >> alright, close it up, paul. thanks for watching. goodnight. [applause] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. oh, we have a show for you
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tonight. katie couric is going to be here. very excited. katie couric, discussing her new documentary "fed up," is going tob join us. but, my friend, we on this show discuss politics and we have sometimes been known to criticize, lampoon-- ( laughter ) to take-- to take fun and poke it. ( laughter ) tonight, we remove our gesture's cap in respectful salute to democracy on parade. ladies and gentlemen, i give you the new york state senate. >> this bill would designate yogurt as the official state snack of the state of new york. ( laughter ) >> jon: that, my friends, new york state senator michael razzenhoffer. at the behest of a local fourth grade class attempting to bring forth into law an official honor for new york's vaunted yogurt industry, it's what's known in
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legislative circles as gimme. a no-brainer. the type of feel-good, pro-business, and probiotic-- >> would the sponsor yield for a few questions? >> jon: wait, sponsor yield? yield for questions? who dareth rise? ( laughter ) senator razzenhoffer, what quibble doth thou proffer. >> as far as a state snack what exactly are we defining as a snack here? ( laughter ). >> jon: touche. a philosophical query. your answer, senator razzenhoffer. >> i think it's self-explanatory. i mean, you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then you have snacks. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> jon: i think we're done here. i believe there are no further questions. perhaps we can move on to a vote. >> did you consider, say, the
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potato chip as a potential state snack? >> no. >> did the sponsor consider raisins as the potential official state snack? >> no. >> did the sponsor consider, perhaps, pretzels as the potential state-- official state snack? >> never. >> jon: never! i never did and i never shall! for the pretzel is an abomination. to take perfectly good dough, to twist it, to bake it within an inch of its life and then to salt it as the roamans did to cargted age. it is outrage. it is an outrage. ( laughter ) i don't like pretzels. ( laughter ) sorry, senator razzenhoffer, you weren't finished. >> what if the prellle was dipped in yogurt? would that then be considered --
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could we consider that? that would be two in one? ( laughter ) >> jon: oh, my gosh! this guy is batman. ( laughter ) what say you, senator hasselhoff? >> yogurt would be the state snack. the pretzel would nol. >> jon: the pretzel, if so dipped, would be the state snack conveyance, or delivery method, for which designation i refer to the subcommittee on snack transportation. i'm telling you, this was maybe the best 40 minutes any legislative chamber anywhere in the country has ever spent. but, of course, as all good things must come to an end, we do have to move to a vote. >> through you, the sponsor would please yield. >> jon: are you ( bleep ) kidding me? all right, all right, senator krueger. >> what we need to require that the state snack of new york be yogurt that is produced in the
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state of new york. ( laughter ) >> jon: dear god, answer her. >> is there a definition of the kind of yogurt that would be our state snack? >> i don't believe that the fourth graders wanted to discriminate between different types of yogurt. ( laughter ) is there i'm going to be honest with you guys right here. i'm sure the fourth graders didn't even want to do this predict. i'm sure they weren't interested. i'm sure it was an assignment. some sort of weird interpretation of the common core. the kids are like, "it was miss rossi's idea! i don't know." as for you, krueger i've got no patience for this nit-pickery. nobody, nobody wants to hear any more of your petty complaints about the yogurt bills. >> one of my possible concerns with supporting yogurt as the new york state official snack is the issue of lactose intolerance. ( laughter )
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>> jon: on second thought, i yield the floor. senator hootenanny, what say you? >> there are soy yogurt, which does not have the very products which you're concerned about, and that's why, back to your earlier question, in terms of designating a specific type of yogurt, yogurt is a very generic and all-inclusive type of product. >> jon: ( bleep ). this guy is like the ken jennings of yogurt. he's got an incredibly encyclopedic and fluid argumentative style until it all came crashing down. >> you have the state flower. we have the state tree, which is the sugar maple. and lastly, let me talk about the state muffin. the state muffin is the apple muffin, which was named in 1987. and, again, you know, when you're-- when you're talking about the apple muffin it's not the fact that the apple must have sin baked in syracuse or
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the apple muffin is baked in new york city. ( laughing ) it's the fact that we have the apple muffin. ( laughter ) >> jon: yeah. yeah, the apple muffin. ( cheers and applause ). it's good. it's nice. yeah, it's nice. yeah, the apple-- the apple must have sin funny to you? the apple muffin is a clown to you? is that it? what's so ( bleep ) fun bethe new york state apple muffin? that was my favorite part whole debate. ( laughter ) we go now to our senior state snack correspondent jessica williams live outside the capitol building. ( cheers and applause ) you were there, obviously, for the entire debate. >> yes, i was. >> jon: what was the feeling inside the chamber? >> it was contentious, jon. and not just on the floor. there was also this dramatic outburst when the gallery. just take a look. >> jon: certainly. >> this particular situation--
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( gavel banging problem (. >> i'd ask the sergeant to remove those who are making noise in the chamber right now. >> jon: who-- who was causing this disturbance, jessica? >> there is only one group that stages radical protests to disrupt the proceedings every time yogurt-based legislation is on the table. it's code pink, jon. >> jon: thank you, jessica. jessica williams, everybody! i wanted to give you-- i wanted to give you the update. in the end, the bill passed 52-8. and we'll move on to the new york state assembly, but before the assembly takes up debate on state bill 88994, i want to remind them that when it comes to yogurt, obtang the designation of state snack, i must reinforce to our representatives that the good people of new york do not give a ( bleep ). ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause )
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i think i speak for many new yorkers, as far as many new yorkers are concerned, our state snack is who gives a ( bleep ). a perfect companion to our state flower. who ( bleep ) cares. and our state bird, which is the kind you flip. ( laughter ) ( applause ) look, even-- even the fourth graders-- even the fourth graders who brought this up in the first place are like, "they're still talking about the state snack? we're already balls deep in a papier-mache volcano." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) [ male announcer ] the taste of summer is here with applebee's new lemon shrimp scampi linguine. every light and zesty mouthful
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[ woman ] i will support and defend the constitution of the united states of america... [ man #2 ] ...and i will obey the orders of those appointed over me. [ man #3 ] i represent the fighting spirit of the navy and those who have gone before me... [ woman #2 ] ...to defend freedom and democracy around the world. [ woman #3 ] i proudly serve my country's navy combat team... [ man #4 ] ...with honor, courage, and commitment. [ man #5 ] i am committed to excellence... [ man #6 ] ...and the fair treatment of all. [ together ] we are america's navy. ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ gigantic, gigantic, gigantic ♪ a big, big love ♪ gigantic, gigantic, gigantic ♪ a big, big love ♪ ♪ what kind of beer do you want? get me a... get me a redd's apple ale. yea. me too. redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple. brewed like an ale. honestly, the off-season isn't i've got a lot to do.
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that's why i got my surface. it's great for watching game film and drawing up plays. it's got onenote, so i can stay on top of my to-do list, which has been absolutely absurd since the big game. with skype, it's just really easy to stay in touch with the kids i work with. alright, russell you are good to go! alright, fellas. alright, russ. back to work! ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: welcome back. so, when we last left we were talking about the apple muffin. ( laughter ) a week after the n.b.a. said it would try to force l.a. clippers owner donald steriling to sell his team, the franchise has no shortage of wellie suitors. >> oprah winfrey says she's interested in buying the clippers, part nerg with david geffen and larry ellison. >> sean p. diddy combs. >> matt davis.
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>> magic johnson confirming he's a potential buyer as well. >> jon: wow, that is an eclectic group of investors. or the weirdest award show lineup ever. it seems like every wealthy dilatant in america wants to buy the los angeles clippers. >> aren't you forgetting someone, jon? ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: millionaire john hodgman. >> i think i'd like to take the l.a. clippers for a spin. ( laughter ) thank you. thank you. >> jon: come and sit down. >> okay. >> jon: are you trying to buy the clippers from 1972? >> i like to let the boys breathe, you know. >> jon: all right. >> obviously, i have to buy the clippers, jon, because i, obviously, own the caves alrea already. >> oooooh!
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>> jon: i hope we white balance the screen tonight. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> i'm blowing out flat screebz all over america. >> jon: you are blowing out-- people should try and-- you want to move that off the thing there. why the sudden interest in basketball, if you will? >> oh, i don't care about basketball. but owning a sports team, the last remnant of capitalism's golden age, when owners controlled every aspect of their workers' lives and as an oligarch american it's time i acquired my own herd of humans ( laughter ). >> jon: i think you have the wrong idea here. you own a team, but it's notue don't own the humans that play on it. >> oh, so you're saying i and my wealthy friends won't take turns selecting which of these young men we want? ( laughter ) >> jon: ah... technically, that is what you would do. that's how the draft works. but it's not-- >> i suppose you would never reasonable a public inspection of their bodies, strength, and
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agility. ( laughter ) yes or no. >> jon: they do-- they do scout players in that manner. >> oh, i see. obviously, once i draft them, i wouldn't be able to dictate their home and city? >> jon: you probably would. >> so to recap i take them from their homes and compel them to perform physical feats for my pleasure and profit and when i tire of them i can trade them with my wealthy friends without their consent. is that right, jon? ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: you know, this is really-- this is really why i'm not sure you're the best candidate to move the clippers, past the legacy of donald sterling. >> why would i want to do that? >> jon: well, he's a racist and being stripped of his team in disgrace. >> a team that he bought for $12 million that he's now being forced to sell for over half a billion dollars. jon, that's not a disgrace.
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that's a billion model. if he make half a billion by being secretly racist imagine how much i can make being openly racist. >> jon: i don't know your mostly black basketball team will appreciate that. >> don't worry about that i'm going to fire all the black players. i i'm tyke the clippers all white. >> jon: sorry, say that again? >> like mitt romney buying mayonnaise on his way to a cold play concert. >> jon: i think if you cothat to the los angeles clippers, los angeles will tear you apart. >> oh, jon i'll already be long gone. i'm moving the team to massachusetts, first place of caucasian basketball. people of new england, meet the newest n.b.a. franchise, your boston white skins! >> jon: you can't-- jon, you can't get-- ( laughter ) you can't get away with a name like that. >> oh, i see so american indians can have a team named after their skin color but whites can't? that's reverse racism, jon.
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that's oppositive. ( laughter ). >> jon: redskins aren't a native american team and they don't like the name. >> maybe they would like it more if they had a mascot likes ours. meet skinny the skinhead. ( laughter ) >> jon: is that-- is that just-- is that a mr. metz head? >> yes be we just painted out the laces and put it on a skinhead. >> jon: isn't that what keeps his brains in? >> you see, jon, at this rate, i'll be forced to sell the team before they step foot on the court. i need one more thing to oit-sterling sterling. jon, could you record me saying some racist things and then leak that to the public? . >> jon: uh, i think we already have, john. >> oh, great. go, whiteskins! >> jon: thank you very much. >> white power! >> jon: that's the wrong-- >> jon: that's the wrong-- that's the wrong phrase for your but there's a hint of sweetness, too. [ woman clearing throat ] it must be the apples. i concur.
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the new chicken apple sausage sandwich from dunkin', made with real apples and spices, your morning just got a lot more flavorful. we'll pay your early termination fees. so you can get the new galaxy s5 for $0 down. i live in a luxury penthouse overlooking central park. when the guests arrive, they're greeted by my butler, larry.
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my helipad is being re-surfaced so tonight we travel by more humble means. at my country club, we play parlor games with members of the royal family. yes i am rich. that's why i drink the champagne of beers.
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, a journalist, the host of "katie" her new documentary film for which she serves as executive producer and narrator is "fed up. >> this is the first generation of american children expected to lead shorter lives than their parents. >> i am 12 years old and my doctors have said i'm a statistic. >> we're blaming will power and it's a crime. the government is subsidizing the obesity epidem. >> jiek they place private
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profit above public health. >> by 2050, one out of every three americans will have diabetes. >> those deceases are being driven by sugar. >> this is a fundamental problem. nobody is talking about it in society. we could cure 80% of the probl problems. you have to change the diet of americans. >> it's all preventable. >> jon: it's a horror movie. ( laughter ) ( applause ) welcome back to the program, katie couric! ( cheers and applause ) >> i was going to say give me some sugar. >( cheers and applause ). ♪ hi, katie couric >> jon, how are you. >> jon: this documentary is wildly disturbing. >> yes, it is. >> jon: and it is packed with facts that i think people might be incredibly unaware of. >> yeah, i mean, you know, we
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started looking into this. i covered had story for 35 years, my entire career, and i couldn't understand why the problem kept getting worse. and nobody was really rolling up their sleeves and digging into the root causes of the epidemic, but some of the statistics we discovered were really disturbing, as you said, jon. in 1980 there were zero cases of type 2 diabetes among adolescents. in 2010, almost 58,000 cases of type 2 diabetes. one in three people by 2050 will have diabetes. >> jon: and 90-- >> in two decades, 95% of americans will be overweight or obese. and this i think is a-- the saddest statistic of all, that we heard in that clip. this generation of children is the first-- first that will live shorter lifespans than their parents. >> jon: the worst thing i saw-- other than the human pain of these kids. >> oh, yeah. >> jon: which is heartbreaking. >> isn't it amazing, by the way, that they participated in this?
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>> jon: yes. >> they deserve so much credit. >> jon: incredibly courageous, and the strug cell enormous. >> heartbreaking. >> jon: when they put their hearts on their sleeves like that it is just heartbreaking. but beyond that is the corruption at the highest levels. the world health organization, when they're going to release a report-- and you have it in the film-- that says these issues about-- >> right, sugar should be no more than 10% of the diet. >> jon: we send over tommy thompson to tell them, if you put that in there, we will not give you the money -- >> the $450 million. >> jon: the $450 million we were going to give you and they take it out. we basically bribed the world health organization. >> the sugar lobby says actually it should be 25% of your diet. >> jon: the question for the sugar lobby guy was tremendous when you asked him, you know, is sugar tied to these things-- it reminds you of the tobacco story-- >> a lot of these studies are financed, unfortunately, you
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know, by big food companies. so needless to say, they're not exactly pure in their-- in their execution. >> jon: is the answer purely about going back to a time when we don't add sugar? because we did eat like crap. >> well, you know, i think there's a whole confliewbs of things. i think you really-- yes, of course, we did eat some things that weren't very healthy but all i can say is the numbers don't lie, jon, right? so all we can do is point to some of the problems, and i think to reduce your intake of processed foods, people should eat whole foods. people don't cook anymore-- i don't know. if they know it, they're not doing it. >> jon: isn't it because it's so much cheaper-- >> we show in the film, as you see, we show a meal from a fast food restaurant, and a chicken and vegetables cooked at home and that's really -- >> but they made it. they have a drive-through. ( laughter ). >> that's true. and the convenience is the thing. but i think we have to all figure out, you know, where are our priorities? what do we want to do?
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and we have to make this something we care about because we have to do it for our kids, really. because otherwise, you know, as we said, we're killing people. >> jon: i know. it's just-- so often the politicians say we must do it for our kids, and it's clear to me, at least, that we hate our kids. ( laughter ) because we-- we've been hearing about this for, like, 200 years and we're like yeah, yeah, yeah, our kids. we neverue know what i mean? it really feels like a giant mountain to climb. >> i think even small steps, like looking at labels and understanding-- you know, you need a calculator when you go to the grocery store. four grams of sugar equals one teaspoon, right. and you would be shocked if you add up the added sugar in a lot of products. i shop a lot differently. i used to always buy low-fat stuff. i don't now. i look at the sugar content, and i think even if people were just more mindful about what they're buying, what they're. ing -- >> i think it also works as pressure on a larger level politically. >> i hope so. >> jon: when you do thiks like this it sort of wakes
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people up. >> the grocery manufacturers of america just invited me to their annual leadership forum. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: i have-- can i say this? >> yeah. >> jon: i have three words for you, young lady. >> be careful? please. >> jon: that's two. >> i added please! >> jon: i was going to go with paper or plastic? "fed up" is in the theaters nationwide on friday's. enjoy it with some reese's pieces and popcorn. >> no! come on! >> jon: that's wrong? you're going to be at the you're going to be at the movies.
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now i know "when" i'm going to retire. not "if." ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> he mentioned commissioner ball's carrot cookies as being out of this world. can we consider the carrot captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause)